Jimmy Fallon

“Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'”

“Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.”

“I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.”

“I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I saw a shooting star, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.'”

“We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something.”

“When I was a kid, you would tune in to 'The Tonight Show' before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big treat. I know it's a privilege of mine to be able to be in people's homes. So I hope I make everyone proud, including my parents, and do a good job in this.”

“The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.”

“I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.”

“I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with.”

“'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.”

“I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed.”

“On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to be. I'm not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don't like those. We can all ride together, and everyone's on the same thing going, 'Aha, I know where you're going here.'”

“Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.”

“Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.”

“My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad.”