Jimmy Fallon

“I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.”

“Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls. So basically, it's just like the iPhone.”

“They got a great performance from me. I was happy.”

“Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce 'gubernatorial.'”

“'Moldova: Yes or No?' That's a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in Moldova, it will say 'Yes, you're in Moldova.' I'm so excited. People need that. That's the whole point. The whole reason you buy a $500 phone is to see if you are... in Moldova. Or not.”

“Everyone looks so much better when they smile.”

“My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.”

“Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.”

“We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car, up in the air and over to another car in a continuous shot while the film was still rolling, going 90 mph.”

“I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.”

“There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family.”

“I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.”

“I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.”

“I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.”

“You only think of the best comeback when you leave.”

“I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make me laugh for an hour. Entertain me, and then I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face.' That's my job; that's what I do.”

“I like doing energetic things.”

“I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.”

“People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.”

“Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.”