Jeff Garlin

“I have gone to many theaters where it is so unpleasant with the commercials before the movie, the volume, and the disrespect of the filmgoers. So I understand people not wanting to go to the theater.”

“I like independent movies, documentaries. There's not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig.”

“Whenever I meet someone who's talented, I always want to write something for them!”

“Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.”

“My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate.”

“I'm from Chicago and it's a huge influence on me.”

“I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.”

“Forget 'full of myself,' I'm not remotely impressed with myself.”

“As an individual doing a podcast, you don't get even remotely rich. It's not something to do for money.”

“For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey.”

“The only thing that I demand of the audience is that they listen to what I'm saying. Other than that, they owe me nothing. They don't owe me a thing.”