A biography for Jeff Garlinhasn’t been written yet.
“I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit.”
“I have the bigger iPad, but the Mini is the best. It just seems perfect. The old one seems so big and heavy. I like simple and clean.”
“Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine!”
“Only now I have added "living green" to the list. And that's when I realize: there is no ending to the story. There is no "I lost my 70 pounds and my house is completely green." It's an ongoing process. There is no end game.It's like success. You think that at some point you make it and then it's easy. Nope. The hard work never goes away. In some ways it's harder. No coasting.”
“I'm totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David.”
“First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much I weigh.”
“Certainly early on, I kind of modeled myself after Steve Martin and Bill Murray. I would imitate them sometimes.”
“Directing is really my favorite thing to do, but if I never directed again, I'd be okay if all the work I did was good.”
“I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.”
“I've avoided doing network shows because I don't think they're true to real families.”
“Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains.”
“There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.”
“I don't care what I do - act, stand-up, write, direct - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being creative and it's good work.”
“I'm a freak for great movies. I love movies.”
“I like raconteurs; I like conversation. I liked the 'Tonight Show' when it was 90 minutes, I like when people aren't plugging things per se, and they're just in the moment being interesting.”
“When you see a bad romantic comedy, you see the script, the director, and the actors trying to create this warmth and this pathos and this feeling that you care about them. That cannot be manufactured - it's either there or it isn't.”
“I don't think I'm ever going to retire from stand-up, but what I have retired from is working the road every week.”
“In my stand-up, I generally improvise from an outline.”
“I do love directing. It's probably my favorite thing that I do.”
“Acting's fine if the script's written by Paddy Chayefsky and Martin Scorsese directs it, but unless you have something like that, I don't really enjoy acting.”