J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

“SubGenius videos on YouTube”

“The stupider it looks, the more important it probably is.”

“Don't forgive them, for they know exactly what they do.”

“If humor is based on the misfortune of others, then I suppose you might call me the greatest comedian of all time.”

“I am the global village idiot!”

“There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL.”

“I choose to believe in an afterlife only because it is too horrible to believe that such a cool stud as myself could be allowed to disappear from the universe. [Diary entry, age 15]”

“In My Father's Midway Are Many Bumper Car Rides.”

“Pull off your pants and roll in your own mistakes.”

“[when asked if he was interested in discovering what was behind the Veil of Illusion] HELL no! I'm interested in what's behind the veil of ORDINARY REALITY.”

“[on capital punishment] Forgive them first... then kill them.”

“If you have no Pipe I will give you one; if you do not, I will take it away from you.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say, "There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say there are two kinds of people in the world, and the other kind," and there's who don't say. Well, then there's me.”

“I always lie . . . and I'm always right.”

“I'd rather be lucky than good any day.”

“Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting Shall Be the Loophole of The Law.”

“Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back!”

“Give me (Slack, food, money, a job, etc.), or KILL ME!”

“I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to.”

“"Too much" is always better than not enough.”