Eoin Colfer

“Holly clambered after him, struggling up the human-size steps. "Wait! Just wait," she called, overtaking Artemis and looking him in the eye from one step up. "I know you, Artemis. You like to play your genius card close to your chest until the big reveal. And that's worked out for us so far. But this time you need to let me in. I can help. So, tell me the truth, do you have a plan?"Artemis met his friend's gaze and lied to her face. "No," he said. "No plan.”

“Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.”

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”

“how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.”

“The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.”

“A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.”

“Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.”

“I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.”

“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”

“Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.”

“Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?"All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.”

“That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart.”

“She held out a small voice recorder. 'By the way, could you describe exactly how you felt at the moment of impact? I'm writing this short story--''Put that away, Hazel,' hissed Mam. 'The poor boy is in pain.'Hazel persisted. 'Would that be a white-hot pain? Or more of a dull throbbing pain?”

“A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.”

“Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down.”

“That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.”

“Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?”

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”

“Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”“Cheese made by dwarfs.”“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”“No. What a horrible thought.”“Exactly.”