A biography for Elayne Booslerhasn’t been written yet.
“I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naive hope.”
“I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.”
“Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'”
“I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'”
“I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.”
“Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?”
“Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.”
“As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.”
“I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.”
“You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.”
“A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.”
“I've never been able to write for stand-up.”
“I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.”
“You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.”
“I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.”
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
“I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?”
“We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.”
“I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.”
“I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.”