Doug Larson

“The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.”

“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”

“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.”

“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”

“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.”

“Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening when you would have preferred to talk.”

“The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.”

“The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.”

“A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!”

“A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.”

“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.”

“There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.”

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”

“The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”

“For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.”

“Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.”

“Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.”

“Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.”

“There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.”