David Spade

“To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.”

“I have no detectable hair style.”

“I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.”

“I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.”

“It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.”

“When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.”

“I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.”

“In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.”

“I never dated much in high school or college.”

“I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.”