David Spade

“Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.”

“My career is just kind of crazy.”

“There's always something funny about men chasing women.”

“I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.”

“It's so crazy in Hollywood.”

“To be famous and broke is hard.”

“It's funny because it's funny.”

“No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.”

“You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.”

“I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.”

“Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.”

“Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.”

“There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.”

“Single guys get a bad rap.”

“I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.”

“You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.”

“Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'”

“It's hard to have a career.”

“I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.”

“I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.”