Craig Kilborn

“I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.”

“President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.”

“As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.”

“A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.”

“Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.”

“I think that you're always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way.”

“My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'”

“I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.”

“John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'”

“Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.”

“I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.”

“Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'”

“New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.”