Craig Bruce

“Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am.”

“I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe.”

“You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for.”

“Don't trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years.”

“Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism.”

“The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion.”

“Don't judge a book by its thickness either.”

“Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it.”

“When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun.”

“Time is a resource whose supply is inversely proportional to its demand.”

“My to-do list is so long that it doesn't have an end; it has an event horizon.”

“Never question the relevance of truth, but always question the truth of relevance.”

“When trying to locate something, search your mind first.”

“The only thing that is obscene is censorship.”

“The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it in the first place... is called genius.”

“The people who actually do things always suffer the slings and arrows of those who don't.”

“Think Tank, noun: The shower.”

“Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration; just think how many bombs that would buy!”

“It's easy to idealize someone that you don't know.”

“In order for a man to be truly evil, he must be a woman.”