Colin Quinn

“The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.”

“That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.”

“The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.”

“A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.”

“A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, it's funny: "Yo, empty your pockets," and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it's also depressing. If someone who can make himself disappear isn't safe, who is?”

“You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.”

“You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.”

“I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.”

“A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.”

“Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.”

“I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.”