Chris Rock

“Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.”

“The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.”

“I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.”

“I realized with Broadway everything written for black people is usually written in the past, and I'm kind of a contemporary guy. I don't think you want to see me in 'Raisin in the Sun'.”

“You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.”

“If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.”

“Women need food, water, and complimentsThat's right.And an occasional pair of shoes.”

“I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.”

“We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!”

“Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.”

“A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.”

“Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.”

“I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.”

“My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.”

“Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.”

“I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.”

“You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.”

“Pretty girls have problems too.”

“Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.”

“When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”