Cathy Burnham Martin

“If someone yells at me, they are not expressing love. They may be threatening me. They may be expressing great frustration with me. They may simply be trying to control my behavior. However, they are not communicating love.”

“If there were past misdeeds, I do not believe we should nag or repeat them, never mind throw them in someone’s face. If they sincerely apologized and we genuinely forgave them, we must move on. Learn from mistakes, but move on. If we bring them up and toss them at the offender, we may not have actually forgiven them, even if we claim we have.”

“It matters little which party has gotten lazy about delivering what their partner craves. It doesn’t take too many days or weeks for an unsatisfied partner to start to feel love-starved and sadly unfulfilled. If you want great sex in the bedroom, show love to each other outside the bedroom.”

“We would not want the joy of physical and sexual intimacy to fade after years together. We need to also remember to keep our intellectual and emotional intimacy every bit as sacred.”

“When we resort to screaming at someone, we are revealing weakness and a sense of helplessness. If we can’t seem to get our message or feelings across any other way, then we get angry, and we get loud!”

“We never want to be taken for granted, but our partners should be able to expect our honest loyalty. That is a powerfully strong foundation block for a relationship. I want to meet the greatest expectations, without being the greatest fraud.”

“It matters not which partner is bringing negativity into conversations and exchanges. Toxicity has no place at all between people who have promised to love each other.”

“We are imperfect humans and are bound to need attitude adjustments from time to time.”

“No one needs to be around someone who dulls the shine on a brand new penny.”

“Most single people are sick of married people presenting themselves as both available and interested, when indeed they are merely “playing.” Oh, yeah… and cheating. Gee, that is attractive. Not! Others could not care less what someone’s marital status might be.”

“Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers. Making it real, starts with our attitude.”

“Liars are highly unlikely to admit their lies, never mind apologize for the hurt they’ve caused. Liars don’t genuinely apologize. Deceit has become their full-out lifestyle. They are centered on themselves with no thoughts of the consequences of their lies. In cowardly style, they tell more lies to try and cover their tracks. They are not good at admitting they actually have shortcomings.”

“Irritatingly angry people have no sense of humor when wearing their “angry pants.”

“Whether we know it or choose to admit it, we are either an Encourager or a Discourager. We each make a choice as to which type we will be… every day. Discouragers bring “stresspools.”I call any of those places that add unnecessary stress and aggravation “stresspools.” They are just as stinky and rotten as cesspools, but “stresspools” wreak of tension, strain, anxiety, worry, hassle, pressure, and emotional trauma.”

“It takes a strong woman to tolerate a weak man. That said, it takes a strong man to tolerate a weak woman, too.”

“Screaming and repeating lies makes them neither true nor more believable.”

“I can only imagine that future generations will consider us to have been barbaric for our intolerance of differences.”

“We could choose to celebrate our differences, rather than over-analyze them. This might help us become more realistic about the generalizations to which we subscribe. For example, consider this. If women are the overemotional ones, why do so many bar fights break out between men? Such brawls do not spring from logical, calm places.”

“When it comes to people… you could aptly say that I am a racist… a human racist. I believe in people. There are good and not-so-good people of all colors and creeds. I’m not here to judge. Period. As people, we draw judgments from others when we behave badly, especially when we try to blame our bad behavior on others. This is not based on race, age, sex, or religion. It’s based on behavior differences.”

“Sexy is a decision. We decide that our spouse looks sexy to us. Period. It doesn’t matter our age or how long we’ve been together.”