Bob Mortimer

“I have always been a bit of a recluse, but I really was after the heart thing. And everyone knew.”

“I'm not a fan of stand-up comedy, personally. But some of them are incredibly skilled.”

“There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup, struggling to make an impact on the world.”

“I sometimes wonder, with the Oxbridge comics, the broadcasters seem to say, at some point, now I trust you to do a documentary, you can be the voice for a maths show, or whatever. I don't think we're ever considered in that way.”

“I eat a tin of sardines every day.”

“My doctor told me that I would have had a heart attack on stage.”

“Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But we couldn't be bothered - I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. At a later stage we went back, split it up and made it into the TV series. But, yeah that was supposed to be a movie and we just didn't bother.”

“I've started to get iritis, which affects the eyes. But I'm not going to give in.”

“I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!”

“After your heart fails, you just feel really vulnerable for a while. You just want telly and your little house. Then, suddenly, three, four months have passed.”

“After I had my heart operation I got really into heart stuff. I did think it would be lovely to go on 'Strictly' just so people could see I wasn't finished. But, sadly, now I couldn't because of my joints. I'd be hobbling around.”

“I am allowed one matchbox-sized piece of cheese a week.”

“You know the thing I liked about fishing when I was 14 was being out with your mates mucking about, throwing bread around, getting a bit wet maybe.”

“I'd always wanted to do something about football, so I did the podcast.”

“When I was young, having a heart bypass was, 'Woooh!'”

“Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.”

“Before I had my heart problem, if I was asked to do something I would look through a mental file looking for reasons why I could say no.”

“Other people just look so comfortable with a book in their hands - I never feel like that.”

“I can't remember ever cooking food to impress a woman. The idea's quite cheesy and sort of makes my skin crawl. But I sometimes make a special effort to impress my cats, with chicken liver or something. It's tricky to know if a cat's impressed. They might give me a little look, a glimpse at least. That's cat ownership for you.”

“I saw Alan Davies on a show from the London Palladium and he did a nice routine about having kids or whatever. I couldn't do that.”