Aziz Ansari

“When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.”

“Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.”

“I don't think you can describe your ideal girl. A big part of that is just meeting someone and really clicking with them and wanting to hang out with them all of the time.”

“I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.”

“You get all these different cuts of meat cooking at once' he said. 'You've got your sausage, which cooks fast. You've got your big steak, which is your best cut, which takes some time, right? You got to talk to all these girls at once just like you take care of all that meat at once'After he made this analogy, I presented Ajay with a trophy that said 'Most Sexist Food Analogy of All Time: Meat and BBQ division'.”

“The interesting thing about text is that, as a medium, it separates you from the person you are speaking with, so you can act differently from how you would in person or even on the phone.”

“I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.”

“The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.”

“It's hard to really get that excited about movies. Think about it like this: how many good comedy movies come out a year? Maybe one or two? And then, in those movies, what are the chances that there's a character that I'm the best fit to play? It's really small!”

“Myself, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner decided to start a Food Club where the three of us go to restaurants with a couple of other people. The three of us are the captains of the Food Club, so we have to wear the captains' hats.”

“You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. It's the hardest thing.”

“The whole idea of love is scary - so is being with someone for the rest of your life and being happy with them for the rest of your life. There's lots of research to suggest that, actually, love's not really that simple.”

“I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.”

“I'm always down to try a new burger, but Shake Shack is still my top. What makes them so special is for the bread they use Martin's potato rolls which is just the best hamburger buns ever.”

“I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.”

“Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles.”

“So love goes from feeling like I’m doing cocaine to feeling how I feel about my uncle? I don’t want to make companionate love sound like a bummer. It is love, just less intense and more stable. There is still passion, but it’s balanced with trust, stability, and an understanding of each other’s flaws.”

“It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.”

“Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.”

“I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.”