Andy Rooney

“Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.”

“When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.”

“Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.”

“I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.”

“People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.”

“Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.”

“I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.”

“The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.”

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.”

“My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.”

“Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.”

“It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.”

“I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?”

“Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.”

“Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.”

“The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.”

“I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.”

“I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.”

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.”

“A writer's job is to tell the truth.”