Ali Wong

“Breast-feeding was so stressful for me. I kept on clenching and pushing my tongue against the bottom teeth, so they started to move toward an underbite.”

“I think feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women. Our job used to be no job. We had it so good!”

“Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now.”

“When you have a child, you think about your own mortality.”

“Before my dad passed away, I would miss a lot of baby showers and weddings, sacrificed a lot of family and friend events for dumb road dates. I don't do that anymore. It's gone in the other direction. I'm more inclined to put family and friends first.”

“Just because you become a parent doesn't mean you grew up.”

“I have a B.A. from UCLA. In ethnic studies.”

“Nothing is off-limits. There's just some things I cannot crack. Politics I can't do. When I start to talk about it, I just get really angry and super sincere. I have never found a way to craft all of that absurdity into funny.”

“I'm always asked how my husband is feeling about my success with a note of concern. He feels great. It's not hard to feel good about your spouse making money.”

“It's unfair to the hard-core stay-at-home moms to pretend you're able to have an amazing body by chasing around your kids.”

“A lot of people get into stand-up as a back door into acting or something. But I really like writing jokes and telling jokes.”

“Stand-up comedy is something that you have to strive to do, multiple times a night, every night, to be good.”

“The most valuable thing my dad taught me was to never care about what other people thought. When he came to my shows, and I'd announce his presence, he'd stand up with his hands clasped in victory and cheer my name.”

“I have this fantasy of relaxing and doing nothing. But I'm obviously very passionate about stand-up comedy. I mean, I keep doing it. So I must be really into it.”

“Every comic is taught that you're supposed to have a great seven-minute set and then get a sitcom. And I don't want to get the sitcom.”