“Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment.”

English writer, journalist, political commentator and broadcaster

Will Self is an English writer, journalist, political commentator and broadcaster. He is known for his fiction and nonfiction work, and for a career that spans novels, shorter fiction, novellas and essays. He has written 11 novels, five collections of shorter fiction, three novellas and nine collections of non-fiction writing. He is also an honorary Professor at Brunel University London, where his interests include psychogeography.