“Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money and figures is a myth. Girls start to outspend boys before puberty—and they manage to maintain this lead until death or an ugly credit manager, whichever comes first. Males are born with a closed fist. Girls are born with the left hand cramped in a position the size of an American Express card. Whenever a girl sees a sign reading, “Sale, Going Out of Business, Liquidation,” saliva begins to form in her mouth, the palms of her hands perspire and the pituitary gland says, “Go, Mama.” In the male, it is quite a different story. He has a gland that follows a muscle from the right arm down to the base of his billfold pocket. It's called “cheap.” Girls can slam a door louder, beg longer, turn tears on and off like a faucet, and invented the term, “You don't trust me.” So much for “sugar and spice and everything nice” and “snips and snails and puppydog tails.”

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About Erma Bombeck

American humorist

Erma Bombeck was an American humorist who became widely read for her newspaper column about suburban home life. Her column was syndicated from 1965 to 1996, and she wrote during the second half of the 20th century. She is best known for turning everyday domestic life into sharp, funny commentary that many readers recognized in their own homes. Fifteen books of her humor were published, and most of them became bestsellers.

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