“I used to give X-ray vision a lot of thought because I couldn’t see how it could work. I mean, if you could see through people’s clothing, then surely you would also see through their skin and right into their bodies. You would see blood vessels, pulsing organs, food being digested and pushed through coils of bowel, and much else of a gross and undesirable nature. Even if you could somehow confine your X-rays to rosy epidermis, any body you gazed at wouldn’t be in an appealing natural state, but would be compressed and distorted by unseen foundation garments. The breasts, for one thing, would be oddly constrained and hefted, basketed within an unseen bra, rather than relaxed and nicely jiggly. It wouldn’t be satisfactory at all—or at least not nearly satisfactory enough. Which is why it was necessary to perfect ThunderVision™, a laserlike gaze that allowed me to strip away undergarments without damaging skin or outer clothing. That ThunderVision, stepped up a grade and focused more intensely, could also be used as a powerful weapon to vaporize irritating people was a pleasing but entirely incidental benefit.”

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About Bill Bryson

American journalist and author, naturalized British citizen in 2014

Bill Bryson is an American journalist and author, born in the United States and naturalized as a British citizen in 2014. He is known for nonfiction writing on travel, the English language, and science. He moved to Britain in his twenties and spent most of his adult life there, though he also returned to the United States for periods, including 1995 to 2003. From 2005 to 2011, he served as chancellor of Durham University. His books often explore everyday life, language, and the natural world with clarity and wit.

More from Bill Bryson (177 quotes) →

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Books by Bill Bryson

A short history of nearly everything

2003

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A Walk in the Woods

2015

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At Home

2016

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Shakespeare

2007

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The Body

2021

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