“Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant.”

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About bell hooks

American philosopher, educator, author, and social critic

bell hooks was an American philosopher, educator, author, and social critic. Born Gloria Jean Watkins, she was a Distinguished Professor in Residence at Berea College in Kentucky. She is known for writing under the name bell hooks and for shaping modern discussions of feminism and social critique. Her work examined race, gender, and social class, especially how they connect with capitalism and help sustain systems of oppression and class domination. She published nearly 40 books and many scholarly articles, moving between essays, poetry, and children's literature. Across that wide body of work, she wrote about love, art, history, sexuality, and mass media.

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Books by bell hooks

Feminism Is for Everybody

2000

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Yearning

1990

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Ain't I a Woman

1981

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Teaching to transgress

2014

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Reel to real

1996

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