“The worst thing that happens to you at college if you fail to get out of bed in time is that you will miss two hours of someone reading scintillating anecdotes about Medieval Ireland. The worst thing that happens to you in life if you fail to get out of bed in time is that you might lose your job as a first responder.”

American humorist and newspaper columnist

Alexandra Petri is an American humorist and newspaper columnist. She is known for her satirical writing, and in 2024 she received the Thurber Prize for American Humor. In 2010, she became the youngest person to have a column in The Washington Post. She later ran the paper’s ComPost blog and worked with Dana Milbank there before joining The Atlantic in May 2025. Her satire has drawn public attention, including a 2017 piece about Donald Trump that was miscategorized as news and included in a White House press briefing. She was named to Forbes 30 Under 30 in 2018.