Woody Allen

“Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.”

“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”

“Tradition is the illusion of permanence.”

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”

“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”

“Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.”

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”

“Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.”

“Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.”

“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”

“I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

“All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.”

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.”

“I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.”

“המחשבה שזמן אחר היה טוב יותר מזה שבו אתה חי.”

“לא תהיה לעולם סופר גדול אם תפחד מהמוות.”