Wilson Mizner

“Art is science made clear.”

“Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.”

“I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'”

“I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.”

“Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.”

“The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.”

“You sparkle with larceny.”

“The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.”

“A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.”

“It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.”

“Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.”

“Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.”

“The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.”

“Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.”

“Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.”

“Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.”

“I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.”

“There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.”

“In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.”

“I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.”