Will Rogers

“Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.”

“Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.”

“Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.”

“You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.”

“Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.”

“I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.”

“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.”

“When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.”

“Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.”

“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”

“An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”

“Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.”

“Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.”

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”

“The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.”

“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.”

“People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.”

“I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.”

“Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.”

“About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.”