Vonnie Davis

“Ye have taught me something I never understood.""What? How to get rid of Parisian Pink Pecker Disease?”

“A bear! I've landed on a wild and wicked bear!”

“She leaned her uninjured shoulder against his plump, furry behind and shoved while she bitched to herself, "Four years at the military academy, two years at Kansas State University, survival camp in the swamps of Alabama, more schooling in Florida, and then torture endurance training with the Mossad and all so I could heave a bear's ass into a helicopter. Unfreaking real.”

“Do ye always drool like that? Is it a family trait, lass?”

“She placed her fingertips on her forehead as if trying to gather her thoughts on how to handle this unexpected scenario. "Do not run from a bear. Make yourself a large target and yell to scare the bear away. Bears are easily frightened unless it's mating season." "Oh, wouldn't it be just my horrible luck to fall on a horny bear?”

“Months ago, he'd told Effie, grandmother to his eldest brother's wife, that he was too busy to find a woman. He went on to brag he was quite happy being alone. That the only way he'd even consider a woman was if she dropped from the feckin' sky.He groaned and downed his first cup of coffee. Him and his big whisky loosened tongue.”

“The little woman, wearing a pink and black zigzag-striped pantsuit over a black turtleneck, resembled a skinny zebra who'd OD'd on Pepto-Bismol.”

“He was so damn hard, he could chip the ice from his truck's windshield with his rigid pecker.”

“What the feckin' hell is PMS, I'd like to ken?""Petty Male Shit," she yelled.”

“Driving a stolen plane will be nothing compared to the ride with a fired-up Scot.”

“Have ye ever known a female who wasna a bit of a witch in her own sweet way?”

“He held his crotch, his knees bent and his kilt showing he wore nothing beneath it.She shuffled from one foot to the other as she stared at his Scottish bagpipe. Bet he could hit a lot of high notes with that thing. "You...you startled me when you grabbed me like that.""Well, ye needna be afraid now. I couldna molest ya, even if I wanted to, which I dinna.I'm betting foreplay with ye would be like grabbing hold of an electrical wire while sitting in a tub of water." He groaned and cussed some more. "Hell, I bet yer vagina is lined with shark's teeth.”

“I think...I shall call ye Beauty, for I shall be yer beast.”