Victor Borge

“My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.”

“The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.”

“The shortest distance between two people is a smile.”

“He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.”

“Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”

“(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?”

“If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.”

“One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.”

“I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.”

“I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.”

“When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.”

“I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.”

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

“I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.”

“(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?”

“I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.”

“Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”