Vic Reeves

“The best way to fry an egg is to let the white out so it forms a base, then drop the yellow bit in the middle.”

“I love pineapple. You know, pineapple's great on ham, and just on its own, and in a drink. It's a very versatile fruit.”

“I don't watch a lot of comedy really.”

“I couldn't ever stand up in front of an audience on my own and talk to them. It would be awful; I couldn't bear to do it.”

“Sometimes you have to go and do something different. I'll just disappear and write a couple of books, and then go back and do some TV when I've been forgotten about, and people think it's fresh. I see people who suddenly put themselves around everywhere and I think, 'You're going to last for about two years and vanish.'”

“Journalists like to invent a person, and it's not necessarily the person that they're writing about. The image the tabloids try to create of me and Bob is very different from how we really are. They try to make us out to be mad jokers. But I wouldn't want to put journalists down. That's their job.”

“There are no statements in my paintings at all. Quite the opposite - I don't like people to go looking for them. If something makes me laugh, that's it.”

“I first came across Dada at art school in the early 80s. It was funnier and more anarchic than anything else I discovered. And it didn't always have to make sense.”

“You can be a really terrible actor - I won't mention any names - but, as long as you're good-looking, you can get by with it. Okay, Keanu Reeves. He's a diabolical actor, but he still looks good.”

“The thing is hats don't really suit me because my head's too big, so I always just end up looking like an idiot. So I tend not to wear hats.”

“I think my comedy's probably the same as my art, which is kind of abstract, impressionist, emotional. You create an emotion and then you knock it down. You take something the way people are expecting it to go, and then give it a different conclusion.”

“I can't stand dogs.”

“They say Ant and Dec are a double act, but they are just presenters. They read off an Autocue and they don't do gags, so that doesn't count.”

“I don't quite know what zany is. I think they should think of some new words.”

“Well, I wouldn't say I am a keen gardener... I'm a gardener. Well, by that I mean I've got a very nice garden and have got some very good gardeners.”

“Probably the biggest influence on me, strange though it may sound, was the 70s, a decade of invention. Growing up then had a huge impact on me. People wanted to experiment and were hungry for change. I was influenced by the literature and art of the time; listening to John Peel and Annie Nightingale and watching 'Monty Python.'”

“I always wander round thinking I'm anonymous. Maybe in my psyche I would like to be. But then you suddenly realise you're not.”

“I can't be bothered with reality shows; I'd rather go and look through someone's letter box.”

“I think somewhere along the line probably Tony Hancock did an interview and claimed that he was terribly depressed, and that he was hiding his depression with comedy. So then it's been used as a template for every comedian since.”

“I've always been an early riser. Sometimes, I wake up at 4 A.M. and don't go back to sleep... My mind keeps churning out ideas. I have a notebook beside my bed.”