A biography for Tim Keyhasn’t been written yet.
“Any columnist worth any salt knows that your column really ought to be written before you even approach your keyboard. Like a good penalty taker, you should know which way you're gonna hit the ball before you start your run-up.”
“It's a big surprise to me that I make Radio 4 documentaries. That was never the plan.”
“I'm not a great rhymer.”
“During my sixth form I wasA driving around with 'Knowing Me Knowing You' in the cassette deck and quoting it all.”
“You want to have a nice gig in your hometown.”
“I'm no art buff but I do have some art in my flat.”
“In my life as a pedestrian I will often find myself racing some unsuspecting member of the public. I'll pick a finish line in my head - an HMV, some bollards, the top of an escalator - and I'll imperceptibly accelerate and nose them out at the final moment. A little Henman-style fist-pump, and I'm on my way.”
“The bath, for me, was always a place to relax, to retreat from the hell of modern-day life. A sanctuary.”
“I love rereading 'The Ascent of Rum Doodle.'”
“As a child my hero was my dad. I always wanted to be like him.”
“I don't have an inflated opinion of how much artistic merit the poems I do have.”
“My ideal Friday night is spent playing scrabble in my local in Kentish Town with a goon called Lenny. After I've won a couple of games we move along through the pubs on Kentish Town Road.”
“Poets love me. They embrace me. Actually, I don't really know many poets. But I used to go to a lot of poetry gigs and they were remarkably tolerant of me.”
“Mark Watson's first 24-hour show was the maddest thing I've seen.”
“I enjoy my little niche. But it's less nichey than you'd think. There's crossover with other stuff that's out there. But, yup, I guess it has something idiosyncratic about it.”
“There's a fine line between Coogan and Partridge when he's in costume.”
“The way I tend to do things, especially with the 'Invisible Dot,' is a bit like loss-leading Tourette's, where I do things that I believe in completely but don't get any money for.”
“I hate swimming, as a rule. I only do it because I have a bad back but, because my improvised 'stroke' is so erratic, it sends my spine into a spin and so - ironically, I suppose - my back deteriorates with each session.”
“That's how I relax before a gig. By laminating my cards.”
“I'm a Virgo. I don't know much about star signs or believe in them. Apparently Virgos like to have everything in good order and my DVD collection is all lined up flush to the shelf.”