Tim Dillon

“My sensibility has never been political. The things I find funny are generally apolitical.”

“I've done a lot of strange gigs.”

“I love crowd work, I love riffing, I love the intersection of when I have a bit and I can ask you something and build off your response and turn it into something.”

“There was something really fun about when I used to do bus tours. I was on mic all day, trying to be funny and subversive.”

“My job is supposed to be about making whatever I'm talking about funny.”

“I will make Logan Paul president.”

“I don't shy away from the realities of what is going on.”

“I want to make everyone laugh.”

“I am uninterested in Jennifer Aniston's take on anything.”

“When you really fall in love with someone, you start making stupid decisions. That's why rich people guard themselves against it.”

“I'm sure Jason Bateman is a swell guy. No one wants to know what he thinks about anything. He's a brilliant actor and I love everything he does, but that's the only capacity that I want him. I do not care what his hot takes are.”

“People that are good at podcasting are good at it, precisely because there is no other option for them.”

“Stop making celebrities do podcasts!”

“Society is held together by duct tape and a lot of these fragile mechanisms are starting to break down. I have found a way to make that funny.”

“Yeah, I bought a house with a subprime mortgage in 2007. It was a two-year fixed rate and, like everybody else in America, I had no idea that in two years you wouldn't be able to refinance. It was foreclosed in 2010, right before I started stand-up.”

“I tried to sell mortgages for just under a year and saw the tail end of the mortgage crisis. I was not great at it. There was nothing really to sell. The only people at that time who were left in the business were idiots like myself.”

“I'm comfortable with dark comedy.”

“The media is at a fever pitch all the time but most people are just trying to pay their bills and are just trying to get by.”

“Most comics don't deserve money.”

“My comedy is not like the tightest thing in the world. There are punchlines, there are jokes, but it's like, I like the space to be loose. Especially in a long set.”