Steven Crowder

“When men get together, they moan about their wives. The commentary provided on marriage between groups of men is typically one from a viewpoint that assumes marriage to be life's greatest, most unfun mistake. Not only is it often as disingenuous as Joe Biden's hairline, but it's incredibly harmful.”

“When I see out-of-shape, overweight people huffing and puffing in the gym, my eyes well up with tears of pride. I want to walk over to them, hug them, and say, 'Good on you for getting in here. It gets better!' You know why? Because they're challenging themselves.”

“Men get together, and they complain about their wives because it's what they feel they're supposed to do. It's as phony as your frat-buddy's stupid tribal tattoos, and everybody knows it.”

“Liberals don't believe in the ultimate concept of self-reliance, which is why they look to the government for stability.”

“I spent a lot of my life afraid as a kid, even throughout high school.”

“In an increasingly complex world, with courseloads becoming heavier and heavier, shouldn't we be opting for more accountability when it comes to our professors, not less?”

“All of my videos, everything I upload is short and edited.”

“People come to this country because they view our culture as the best. It is a culture free of persecution, a culture free of oppressive government, and above all... a culture of really, really cool stuff.”

“Nobody likes being broke. As somebody who's had to live out of a 1982 Datsun, trust me. I know. I also understand that the first step to improve your situation is to fix the problem that landed you there in the first place.”

“How can the country that created electricity, the light bulb, modern cinema as we know it, and the Oscar Meyer Weenie Whistle not be purely awesome?”

“Sadly, marriage has become a punchline in today's society. From referring to the wife as 'the old ball and chain' to nearly every poorly written sitcom that we watch, the message we're sending to today's generation is clear... Marriage = no fun.”

“Death is not only a passing on but a time for everyone else to truthfully reflect on one's life.”

“A four-year-old should have no self-esteem, and for good reason. What could he have possibly accomplished in his life to justify esteeming oneself so highly?”

“Needless to say, oftentimes a 'religion' is not needed to breed extremism. People breed it all by themselves, oftentimes with the subjective morality of modern secularism breeding the worst kind.”

“All I'm saying is that I rarely find myself pointing to Sean Penn's love life thinking, 'I want to be like that.'”

“Standardized tests don't care if you're white or black, short or tall, or even the rate at which you learned the course material. At the end of the day, all it cares about is whether you know what you're supposed to know. It can't be cheated, bent, or bargained with.”

“Living in N.Y.C. has truly awakened me to the New York elite and their penchant for the city's self-described brilliant public transit system. I think it sucks... just like public transit always does.”

“Hollywood, we get it. The Christian faith just doesn't work for you 'in the long run.' However, for a large percentage of this country (the same country that makes your movies millions of dollars), it does. So please, for all of our sakes, keep your 'beliefs to yourself' and just 'stop the hate.'”

“If you're unhappy with your circumstances, then change them. Don't blame the government or your boss or the guy down the street who's better looking than you (exceptions include Hugh Jackman and George Clooney). Just take some Pepto-Bismol and be a man (or woman, for all of you bullish feminists).”

“A prime example of 'turning the other cheek' would be the United States allowing Canada to exist as a country. Sure, we could take over Canada with ease. We'd certainly benefit from conquering a country rich in natural resources and never-ending comedic talent. Instead, we decide to make friends and treat them with the utmost respect.”