Steve Harvey

“A man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This, I think, is a great analogy for how men seek out women.”

“You can't go forward and backwards at the same time.”

“It never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships, think about them, read about them, ask about them - even get in them without a clue how to move them forward.”

“I'm not a good mother at all.”

“I take my brand very seriously.”

“Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn't automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don't get into the vehicle until he realises he needs to get hid behind out of the driver's seat and come round and open the car door for you. That's his job!”

“Don't be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere”

“If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.”

“I think that we, as the African-American men in hip-hop, we have a greater responsibly because we have the ears of so many millions of our young people. And they listenin'.”

“My color's not a crutch. See, funny crosses a lot of color barriers.”

“You can take lessons to become almost anything: flying lessons, piano lessons, skydiving lessons, acting lessons, race car driving lessons, singing lessons. But there's no class for comedy. You have to be born with it. God has to give you this gift.”

“I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.”

“I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.”

“All men can and will change. But there's only one woman we're going to change for.”

“The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.”

“My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.”

“Do not ignore you gift. Your gift is the thing you do the absolute BEST with the LEAST amount of effort."~Steve Harvey”

“From the time I was taught how to drive, I was taught how to behave when I'm stopped.”

“I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check.”

“Being on a comedy tour is like traveling with family, everyone is all having a great time... then all of a sudden it turns sour. One thing gets said out of turn, and everyone is on everyone's last nerve. After an hour of silence, we all start laughing about it.”