Scott Adams

“Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed.”

“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”

“Many, if not most, career opportunities come to you through people you know. So the more people you know, the more opportunities you have. Improving your social network is a great example of a system for moving from lower odds to better odds without having a specific goal.”

“You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.”

“Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”

“For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.”

“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”

“My failed corporate career became the fodder for the 'Dilbert' comic. Once it became clear I would not be climbing any higher on the corporate ladder, it freed me to mock managers without worrying that it would stall my career. Most failures create some sort of unplanned freedom. I took full advantage of mine.”

“I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.”

“If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational. Our brains simply evolved to keep us alive. Brains did not evolve to give us truth. Brains merely give us movies in our minds that keeps us sane and motivated. But none of it is rational or true, except maybe sometimes by coincidence.”

“Lately...the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”

“I try to avoid giving advice.”

“I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.”

“I get mail; therefore I am.”

“Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.”

“I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.”

“Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.”

“Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.”

“Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.”

“There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.”