Sarah Cooper

“Never, ever, ever show up to your office holiday party on time.”

“There's no faster way to get on the good side of most engineers than making fun of product managers.”

“Black women usually don't get the luxury of faking their way through life and still succeeding, but when a white guy does it, he may even get to be the president of the United States.”

“I just want everyone who voted for Donald Trump to get what they deserve. But then I remember most people didn't vote for him, and they shouldn't suffer.”

“Satire makes people learn something more than being lectured.”

“Coming from a large immigrant family, my parents didn't encourage a lot of 'play' when I was growing up. It was hard to get my Dad to even sit down to watch television with us (he'd watch it standing up, always ready to go do something more productive). Downtime was discouraged, as was any college degree that wasn't law, medicine or business.”

“Slide decks are only as great as their giant, useless appendixes, so make sure yours has a ton of useless, not even remotely relevant slides in it. You'll look like you really did your research.”

“I can't tell you how excited I was when I joined my first book club, but I can tell you how much I immediately regretted it.”

“Like everyone, appearing smart during meetings is my top priority. Sometimes this can be difficult if you start daydreaming about your next vacation, your next nap, or bacon.”

“Sarah Cooper sounds like a character on 'The O.C.,' who was written out in season two, and it's like she moved into my body and gentrified my whole personality.”

“One of the reasons I moved to San Francisco was the weather. And then I realized that I really don't like being outside.”

“The truth is, I don't know how to draw.”

“As soon as you explain a joke, it immediately becomes unfunny.”

“Getting up and drawing a Venn diagram is a great way to appear smart. It doesn't matter if your Venn diagram is wildly inaccurate, in fact, the more inaccurate the better.”

“Most people see a job offer from Google as a victory, and I should have seen it that way. I should have at least seen the salary that way.”

“Laughter is so important.”

“Open mics are a great way to rework your material to see what punchlines land best.”

“Leaving Google was really hard. It's such an incredible place to work and the people there are fantastic.”

“When I was little, I always got so excited about learning - until I got to the actual learning part of learning.”

“Don't treat your ideas like they're nothing, don't treat yourself like you're nothing, because you and your ideas are important and meaningful and have the potential to become so much more than you realize.”