Robyn Peterman

“Her eyes narrowed, but she wasn't yelling.I think she liked me... kind of. The way a mother would like an annoying spastic two year old who belonged to someone else.”

“Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward."And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp."Absolutely not...I'm a smartass.”

“I'm twenty-nine, happily single and getting it on a regular basis' I said, enjoying the way their thin lips hung open in an impressive O.'Well I've never,' Jane gasped.'Clearly. You should try it some time. I understand Mr Smith is so vision impaired you might have a shot there.'Their appalled shrieks were music to my ears and I quickly made my escape.”

“He shifted his attention back to me and leaned in closer. “I told you to behave. I don’t want to have to arrest you ever again.”“Um . . . okay.”I felt him slide something under my hand. He leaned in even closer, his mouth by my ear, and whispered, “Although I wouldn’t mind handcuffing you.”Oh. My. God.”

“Do Dragons eat Mexican?" Hank wondered out loud."Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.”

“Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?”