Ring Lardner

“Walter Mayer was a hero at a Salvation Army home fire in Cincinnati.”

“They gave each other a smile with a future in it.”

“I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.”

“The only real happiness a ballplayer has is when he is playing a ball game and accomplishes something he didn't think he could do.”

“A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.”

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.”

“No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done with out it.”

“He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.”

“How can you write if you can't cry?”

“An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.”