Rachel Johnson

“Don't worry about never having time to write. Just write what you can in the time you do have and give yourself a big clap on the back, followed by a double latte and a blueberry muffin.”

“Being blonde, for me, means never having to say: 'I'll have the honey-striped half-head of highlights for £200,' to a bored colourist in a Mayfair salon, which is much more satisfying, not to mention cheap.”

“It's very hard to self-motivate without someone standing over you snarling, ready to hurl the chalk at your head at the slightest slackening.”

“If you tell the truth you get into trouble, and that's why politicians are extremely dull.”

“There was a time when no difficult subjects were ever aired in the 'Lady', and sadly, life isn't like that.”

“Of one thing there is no doubt: if Paris makes demands of the heart, then Munich makes demands of the stomach.”

“If there's anything worse than being 16, it's having parents visibly reliving their own teenage years in your anguished presence.”

“I don't mind being called snobbish, a pain and a social climber, but being called unkind really hurts.”

“In Germany, salads are assemblies of ham and mayonnaise, not trendy tossed leaves.”

“English people are famous for never speaking out but only saying what they really feel about you behind your back. Americans believe the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I like exploring those, er, differences in national snippiness.”