Paul Lynde

“I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.”

“I wish I had the nerve not to tip.”

“When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.”

“I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.”

“My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.”

“I think basically an actor is a salesman.”

“I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.”

“I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.”

“I was obsessed with being rich and famous.”

“Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.”

“It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.”

“Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.”

“My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.”

“My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.”

“My following is straight. I'm so glad.”

“The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.”

“I don't understand why people don't remember my name.”

“I'm Liberace without a piano.”

“My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.”