Ogden Nash

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.”

“Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.”

“Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.”

“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”

“There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.”

“The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.”

“Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.”

“I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.”

“The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.”

“If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.”

“Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.”

“How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.Your wife can’t be a banshee—Or can she?”

“There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.”