Nicole Malachowski

“"You know, whether we like it or not sometimes when you’re a first, you end up speaking on behalf of the group and that can be hard and that can be complex and gnarly but somebody has to go first,""And you definitely want to do it in a way that creates more opportunity for the people that follow.”

““Only you have the power to reinvent yourself and write your own story,” she insists. “When the unexpected happens, are you asking yourself the right questions?””

““The runway behind you is always unusable; all we ever have is the runway in front of us.””

““It’s ok to reminisce about the past, but not ruminate about it.”

“The severe illness taught me that being a fighter pilot gave me the skills and traits I needed to survive my illness and turn to my new mission of advocating for others.””

““I used to think my destiny/legacy lay in having been an officer and fighter pilot,””

““Yielding is not about quitting, weakly surrendering, or giving up. “In my mind, yielding is all about accepting the present moment.””

“Despite the suffering, there are a lot of great things going on in the tick-borne illness community. “I have seen the momentum in the last three to five years accelerating at a pace that I could have never imagined. Look at the scientists, the doctors, the clinicians, the nonprofit leaders, the advocates who are out there making a difference. We are so close, I think, in my lifetime, to this tipping point. This is something we should all be excited about, and this is something that gives me hope.””

“All of those characteristics and traits apply to every single patient. You all should be proud of yourselves. It has been harder to be a tick-borne illness patient than it ever was to fly in combat. I found the Lyme disease community to be as courageous and even more so, in some cases, as honorable and noble as the fighter pilots and the men and women that I went to war with,””

“Everything that she needed to be a good fighter pilot, such as discipline, focus, commitment, determination, and confidence are the traits and the characteristics she needed to survive the worst depths of her illness and to thrive today, even though she still lives with chronic symptoms.”

““When I was a fighter pilot, when we would go into combat, which in a lot of ways is what we are in against this disease and the medical system that doesn’t support us,” she said. “I would say to my wingman before we would launch, “No matter what, be a help, not a hindrance. Ask yourself, is what I’m about to say or do going to be helpful? Or is it going to be a hindrance?””

““You’re having to navigate a system that doesn’t believe you, doesn’t support you, and honestly has not much right now to offer you in terms of care.””

““thumb|Capt. Nicole Malachowski, F-15E female pilot, looks over checklists before flying a sortie 1763646018unnecessary controversy, the unnecessary stigma, and the outright mocking of patients that makes it hard for other people to be courageous on your behalf.””

“This disease stops you from being as reliable and dependable on follow through as you can be. There’s compassion fatigue.””

“I now know that your job shouldn’t be your identity. Boom, I go from this elite, high-performing person, physically and mentally, to just being completely broken overnight. I’m this independent confident type A fighter pilot, and now I can’t even go to the restroom by myself or bathe by myself—overnight,””

““During that two-year period, I was unable to interact with my children who were between the ages of five and seven, and I lost my career. The Air Force medically retired me.””

“For four years, it had been multiplying, getting worse, getting further into the central nervous system. From the time of that first rash to the time of my accurate diagnosis and beginning treatment, 1,525 days had passed, more than 24 doctors across eight specialties were seen, and three misdiagnoses were made along the way.””

“I didn’t know what the word gaslighting meant prior to becoming a tick-borne illness patient, but I know what it is now. I found that I was treated more seriously, and more respectfully, and with dignity every time I brought somebody with me.””

“You have been a high-performing woman in a male-dominated career field for many years. Maybe this is your body’s way of saying it’s time to retire.””

“Well, we don’t have Lyme disease in North Carolina, so it must be a spider bite.” Nicole surmised, “That was the day my life changed forever. That was the day I became chronically ill.””