Mort Sahl

“I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.”

“Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.”

“Too much comedy today is vulgar, not clever. I say that as a comedian and as a consumer.”

“I was always biting the hand that fed me. It was compulsive. Kennedy was very good to me, and I attacked him as soon as he was elected. I attacked him before he was elected.”

“Too often, these comedy guys now only care about getting on and then getting off and getting rich.”

“Women have everything they want, and they've never been so unhappy.”

“I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to humor.”

“There are talented people along the way, although very few come to mind. They're not very daring. Part of the problem is that comedians don't want to overthrow anything. They want to join it.”

“There's a great feeling of powerlessness in America. When I express ideas to people, they say, 'That's terrific, but do you think it really counts?'”

“My life needs editing.”

“I was a writer. I couldn't sell anything, and the comedians were among the dumbest people I had ever met. They'd all say to me, 'The average man won't understand it.' You know, they're superior to the average man.”

“I dare say that if most comedians today, the gifted ones, were to sit down and write, they'd learn more about their craft. But what happens is they get out there before they learn what their viewpoint is, if any.”

“I used to go to two movies every week for the Saturday matinee when I was a kid.”

“When people write comedy from neutrality, it just gets kind of silly.”

“I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.”

“Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.”

“My humor was Victorian - and still is.”

“I was afraid no one would laugh, and I wanted to pretend I wasn't noticing the audience. I didn't want the audience to get the idea I was telling a joke and waiting for a laugh.”

“A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.”

“People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.”