Mo Rocca

“While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk.”

“My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.”

“It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.”

“I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar.”

“When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.”

“I don't think everyone should vote. If you have to be dragged into the polls, carried into the polls and smelling salts have to be used, you probably shouldn't be voting. However, we shouldn't be putting up barriers to voting that target certain groups.”

“It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world.”

“I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.”

“Did I end up finding a little blue pill to cure America's electoral dysfunction? Unfortunately, it's not that simple.”

“Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.”

“Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.”

“If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her.”

“Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.”

“No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show.”

“I hate homemade sweaters.”

“I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.”

“I can't be everything to everyone. Send me your specs.”

“Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.”

“I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked.”

“I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.”