Mike Royko

“Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.”

“The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.”

“When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.”

“God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.”

“Reagan's approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.”

“I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.”

“If the regular pay was important to him, the opportunity to learn was of even greater long-range significance.”

“Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.”

“There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of 'family values.' And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.”

“Hollywood likes to boast that it can elevate the national conscience.”

“Hollywood is right. A good and strong movie can have a more powerful social impact than any and all political speeches or newspaper editorials and columns.”

“It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway', but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.”

“Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.”

“Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.”

“Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.”

“Forty years ago, we were on the tail of the Front Page era. There was a different point of view. Reporters and editors were more forgiving of public people. They didn't think they had to stick someone in jail to make a career.”