Michael Feldman

“I don't think anybody should do what they do in hopes of being successful. But I always expect myself to be successful at things. And if I'm not, I feel bad. I don't care for failure. I've failed at a number of things, and it's not my favorite state of mind. So I prefer success.”

“It's not just dead men who tell no tales. Live ones don't have much to say for themselves, either.”

“When I was a kid, I hated being talked to as a kid. I don't know if all kids feel that way, but I seem to remember awful things in the crib, something like people doing baby talk in the crib and sticking their big, fat faces in there and scaring me. So I always talk to kids as if they were a person.”

“I was the class innuendist.”

“I've always admired the kind of guy who moves into a place and restores it. Thanks to my efforts, the guy who moves into mine will have a chance to do just that.”

“I really like Wisconsin. I enjoy it. I enjoy the people. I enjoy the fact that it's not L.A. or New York. And there's some sense of normalcy here - people having children in homes they can somewhat afford to live in.”

“I don't feel like a 40-year-old. I feel more like four 10-year-olds, each pulling in a different direction.”

“I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.”

“I tell people my only successful long-term relationship was with Jim Packard. He was my rock. I didn't realize how codependent I was.”

“I can only approach things indirectly, or I can't approach them at all.”

“The average married man lives two thousand and five days longer than his single counterpart, albeit with less reason.”

“The goal for me has always been to learn how to express myself in radio and to have fun doing it and work with whatever contingencies arise.”