Marriott Edgar

“Texts of Marriott Edgar's monologues”

“Sam, Sam, pick oop tha musket.”

“Then giving young Albert a shilling,He said "Pop off back to the Zoo.'Ere's your stick with the 'orses's 'ead 'andle,Go and see what the Tigers can do!"”

“So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,Till Albert shot out like a cork.Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,And 'is figure once more became lean,But the only difference with AlbertWas 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.”

“Noah said "Nay; I'll make thee an offer,The same as I did t'other day.A penny a foot and a free ride.Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?""Three ha'pence a foot," came the answer.So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,And sailed off again in a dudgeon,While Sam stood determined, but moist.”

“"Y' not charging tuppence for that little lad?"Said Mother, her eyes flashing wild."Per tuppence per person per trip," answered Ted,"Per woman, per man, or per child."”

“At that Mother got proper blazing,"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she."What, waste all our lives raising childrenTo feed ruddy Lions? Not me!"”

“Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,And didn't know what to do next,Said "Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert,"And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"”

“Now Albert had heard about lions,How they was ferocious and wild;And to see Wallace lying so peaceful,Just didn't seem right to the child.So straightway the brave little feller,Not showing a morsel of fear,Took his stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,And shoved it in Wallace's ear.”

“They didn't think much to the Ocean,The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.”

“A grand little lad was young Albert,All dressed in his best; quite a swell.With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,The finest that Woolworth's could sell.”

“There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,That's noted for fresh air and fun.”