Lukasz Laniecki

“Our parents are not the only people on this planet, and we should not base our life choices on what they want (what will bring them a peace of mind, satisfaction, and give them a reason to brag), but we should make those choices keeping in mind that there are upwards of 7,5 billion people in this world, and that we should use our talents and energy trying to improve the lives of as many of them as possible.”

“They (parents) use this guilt-tripping to stop you from fulfilling your plans, but most important, from believing something they don’t (something which contradicts their beliefs)”

“They know a lot, but they don’t know everything, and they can’t advise you on anything.They can only tell you what they believe worked / or didn’t work for them.”

“That’s not our role here, provide our parents with a “success story” to share at gatherings. Our role here is to contribute the best we can to the society. Use our talents and make sure we add the greatest value possible to other people’s lives.”

“It’s safer/ easier to follow the script and complain how broken some things are in that script, than to attempt to change those things.”

“People have a much greater chance of finding something they’ll enjoy doing and making those greatest contributions when they trust themselves and are free to make their own life choices (are not marionettes in the hands of their parents).”

“There is no better way to crush someone’s self-confidence than to tell this person that her / his choice was wrong, and that she / he should have listened to us (parents). Because, obviously, we know how to make the right choices and she / he does not.”

“They (parents) have been doing this (imposing their beliefs about life on you) since you were born. That’s more than enough to establish a habit.”

“They (parents) want life to unfold according to what they believe. Most people want that. The last thing they want and need, is somebody (let alone their own child) telling them that their beliefs about life are bullshit / full of holes/ severely flawed.”

“Pushing them (children) into a career that is “practical”/ “safe”/ prestigious/ well-paying doesn’t count as help. It’s how parents satisfy their own needs.”

“If parents want “success stories” to share at gatherings they should provide themselves with those, and they should not use their children for that purpose.”

“We are all entitled to our own share of mistakes and learning experiences in life. No one should take them away from us. Not even our parents.”

“Parents like to think of themselves as Batmans, and of their children as Gotham Cities. Gotham City depends on Batman for its survival, and Batman delivers. This belief prevents parents from letting those young adults actually live their lives.”

“We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud and happy) - and that’s unfortunately the belief system in most cultures.”

“None of us has an obligation to accept the definitions of ‘respect’ and ‘gratitude’ our parents espoused, especially when those definitions can be used to guilt-trip us, or when they are being used for the purpose of forcing us to do certain things (as an extortion mechanism).”

“We feel stuck in a rut, unable to say ‘no’ to our parents, unable to put an end to their controlling behavior, unable to grab hold of our own lives, simply because we fear that we will hurt, insult, disrespect or disappoint our parents (entire families).”

“Parents were good to us, gave us a lot, took care for us when we couldn’t have taken care for ourselves, wanted the best for us, continue to care about us and our future, but none of it is good enough a reason to fulfil their dreams/ do everything in order to make them happy/ provide them with a peace of mind, or whatever they want for themselves.”

“It’s entirely on our children to build their best futures. Not on us, parents. And we should be imprinting this message on our children’s brains from as early as possible.”

“It’s not their (parents’) job to prevent their children from making mistakes, because mistakes are a normal part of our lives. It’s like preventing those children from having a real experience. A real life.”

“An approach, according to which children should fulfil their parents’ dreams/ do everything in order to make their parents happy/ provide their parents with a peace of mind, or whatever they want for themselves - because they owe it to them for all those years in which their parents took care of them - is utterly selfish.”