Lenny Bruce

“I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.”

“In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.”

“The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.”

“The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”

“תפקידו של הקומיקאי הוא להצחיק את הקהל, לפחות פעם אחת כל 15 שניות.”

“אם חלק כלשהו בגוף האנושי מגעיל אותך, האשמה תלויה ביצרן.”

“הליברלים יכולים להבין הכול, חוץ מאנשים שאינם מבינים אותם.”

“אני לא אומר שהיה לנו בית ספר אלים, אבל היה חוקר מקרי מוות שהופקד במיוחד עלינו. המורים היו דורשים מאיתנו להגיש עבודות כמו 'מה אני הולך להיות אם אני אהיה גדול'.”

“אם תיקח את הזכות להגיד 'ללכת להזדיין', אתה גם תיקח את הזכות להגיד לממשלה ללכת להזדיין.”

“There are never enough I Love You's.”

“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”

“I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.”

“If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.”

“Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.”

“All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.”

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”

“I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.”

“When you're eight years old nothing is your business.”

“I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'”

“If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.”