Katie Nolan

“I was like, 'I want to start a blog to get my ideas out and keep my brain working so in five years I'm not an idiot.'”

“I'd get home at 3:30 A.M. from the bar after my shift ended at 1. I'd write jokes, film it, and then sleep. So I did that for two years.”

“I would love to learn how to start my own production company and start it in Boston.”

“There are a lot of interesting differences between Boston and New York in general, and I think they're sort of heightened in Long Island.”

“My dad likes to tease me over this. We weren't there at Fenway, and it wasn't a consequential game, but Trot Nixon let a ball go through his legs, and from that moment on, I hated Trot Nixon. Really irrational. Based in nothing. But did not like him.”

“'Guyism' wanted a daily video series. They told me they were planning on hiring a girl and then hiring someone to write all her jokes. Then they figured it would be easier just to get me, so they offered me $750 a month to do it, which turned into an offer to move to New York and do it full-time for $30,000 a year.”

“The truth is, the NFL will never respect women and their opinions as long as the media it answers to doesn't. I'm ready when you are, Fox.”

“Don't let... anybody in the Cowboys organization fool you into thinking they support Greg Hardy. They don't. They support sacks.”

“You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor.”

“I love meeting new people.”

“I was bartending in Boston five, six nights a week, living in my grandmother's condo. By the way, I'm a really good bartender - that's the only skill I can confidently say I have.”

“I'm sure you're used to hearing that when people get to Long Island for the first time, it's a bit of a shock to the system. But I found Long Island people very endearing.”

“My grandmother is 82, and some days she doesn't even put her teeth in.”

“People are confused when you work for a national sports outlet and they've never seen you on a local affiliate.”

“I'm so jealous of people who in second grade knew what they wanted to do.”